What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 19.06.2025 09:06
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
Just sitting at home with this huge cock. Who can take care of it for me?
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
She found it foreign!.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
I see lots of pictures of women who have huge clits are they real or what?
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
My family never makes their pension either.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
What is the dirtiest thing you have witnessed your wife do?
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
🌿🌻Why are Meghan and Harry not treated like royalty in the United States anymore?
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
Can anyone or anything overthrow your belief in the Jewish God?
I was very sick at this time too.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
Is it true that most Indian men are gay and they just hide their feelings?
When she asked me how she looked .
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
All the time i was locked up.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
The people who are 'allergic' to humans - BBC
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
As i do to all so called friends.?
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
How can someone feel more FTM when AMAB?
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
Comes on , in middle age.
Is it safe to say that China is at least 30 years ahead of India?
He was dying to do it , i knew.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
Why is Nickelback known to be a bad band?
She loved him until the end.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
He resisted the act ,that day.
Why do doctors refuse HRT to menopausal women but hand them out to trans people?
(And it was in our own minds.)
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
I think the readers, may guess!
On the 31st of Jan this month .
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
We were not on the streets..
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
This is soul school!.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
Was to survive, this bastard.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
I waited trembling.
I was 9 years of age.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
He knew the spot.
I said to her
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
I was scared of men, in general
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
But it wasn’t much.
It was going to be , some day.
I don,t even have a pension.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
What did i know ?
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
I have no regrets .
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
I never cut or harmed myself..
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
Who then, do I blame.?
Im dying but, im not bitter.
She married twice! .
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
Would this be the day?
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
I was seconnd youngest,
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
Ive learnt so much.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
One cannot live in the past .
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
My mum and dad in the seventies!
My life is so biszare .
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
And who doesn’t know suffering?
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
Put me off passion for life!!
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
So whats the point in blame.
We all went to grammer schools
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
I will be 64.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
I did it because my mum asked me too!
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
But, we were locked up after school.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
I couldn’t, believe it.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
She was in good health!
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
And i lived it daily.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
They are buried together, in the same grave..
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
Im still living with it.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
I had hoped to write a book about this .
Especially a lifetime of it.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
I write beautiful poetry .
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
I could never make a relationship work though!
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
She wouldn,t have been !
Why did i forgive my father ?
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
But ive been too sick for many years..
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
So, i spoilt her more .
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)